Finding My Green Thumb

I’ve never been the best when it comes to gardening. Many a houseplant has died of neglect under my care. My mother and father, on the other hand, are some of the most talented gardeners. My childhood home was literally surrounded by flowerbeds. I remember cutting daffodils and tulips to wrap in wet paper towel and transport to teachers and bus drivers. All summer long, I waited for my parent’s garden to bear tomatoes so I could snatch them and eat them like apples. My father even built my mom a ‘P’ shaped flower bed for the letter of her first name. My mom is the person that can pretty much identify any plant and give the Latin name. I consider myself lucky I was surrounded by natural beauty everywhere I turned.

I’ve managed to keep a few geraniums alive in pots on my front porch the past couple years. This year, I also potted up a few herbs. I have enlisted the children to help with the watering, which they love. Lastly, I churned up a small area that was previously filled with weeds and planted a few tomatoes. Pulling weeds and tending to the few plants I do have has been great therapy. With all of the overwhelming tasks currently demanding my attention, being outside has always been a source of my restoration. Clipping some mint or oregano to use in my kitchen is immensely satisfying. It is a gentle and quiet task of caring for the natural world as it cares for us in return. I can only hope to pass on one small part of this to my children as we all find our green thumbs together.

Fear of Spiders

I recently discovered I no longer have a fear of spiders. I had this realization in two parts actually. The first part happened months ago at work. I work a part-time job with many people younger in age than myself. There are many times I see just how much I do not have in common with my coworkers, which is ok actually. We had been posting a “question of the week” in the break room. Usually it would be silly things like “what superhero would you be?” and “what would you take to a desert island?” One week the question “what is your greatest fear” got posted. Most people had superficial answers like insects and flying in an airplane.

Now, these are things that people are afraid of, but are they really the worst thing that could to you on any given day? I wrote down an honest answer, “something happening to my children.” I realized, in that moment, how much becoming a parent has shaped my thought process. The fear that something will hurt or kill your child is so real and intense it cannot be ignored. Also as a parent, you see just how many close calls a kid can have. They run into the street and your heart stops. They fall down and you’re still dumfounded they didn’t break a limb.  Yes, these are all teaching moments for you and your child. To top off everything, you fear that you are failing your children as a parent on a daily, if not sometimes hourly, basis.

Next, the second part of my realization came during a weekend I spent helping clean out my parent’s home. My mother recently became ill. My siblings and I quickly saw that my parents were unable to continue living on their own without at least some support. We made the decision to move them to the city where my sister and I live. My childhood home was filled to the brim of reminders of the past. I sorted through clothing, photographs, documents, and cards from holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays. We filled two dumpsters worth of things that were broken or useless. We set aside things for donation or scrap. I primarily spent my time in my parent’s bedroom, their private respite to make the decisions that guided and shaped our lives as a family. I was able to show my children, who will be too young to remember, all my secret hiding spots. On our last night sleeping in the home, I sat with my children in the darkness of my childhood bedroom, softly rubbing their hair as my mother would do for me. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I realized this would be the last time my children and I slept in the house. I remember the hours I would stare at spiders on my wall in the night in that room, calling out eventually for one of my parents to come get it for me. It was a scary thing as a child. Now I am called to be the retriever of spiders, monsters, and anything that lurks in the darkness for my own children.

To hold responsibility for not only the lives and happiness of my children, but also to some degree my parents, has shaped my view on the things that matter. There are far worse problems coming down the pike. Be grateful for the problems you have today. The harder things still lie ahead. A Spider? Scooped up and gone in an instant.